I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
