Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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