we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
