Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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