I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
