have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
