Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
