I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
