my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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