I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
