i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
