Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
