Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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