i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
