so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
