He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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