wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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