the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
