i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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