Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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