all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
