it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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