I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
