...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize