apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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