I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
