id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
