i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
