Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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