Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
