I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
