i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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