You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
