Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
