i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
