i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
