Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
