Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we made out on top of his cat.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
