whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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