I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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