The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
