Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
