Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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