Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
