Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
