she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
