i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
