i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
