i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Someone came in the potted fern
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
