soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
