I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
