hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
