i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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