We're facebook friends in real life
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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