so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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