1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
