I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
